Spider Van

I have no idea why it’s taken me this long to tell this story, but here we go!

Last Thursday I mosied my way into Providence for an appointment at 2pm. Per usual, I arrived about 10 minutes early, and then proceeded to walk up and down the street in the pouring rain – you know, the kind of rain where your umbrella is completely useless – looking for 153 [insert name here] Street. Except there was no 153… the numbers went from 151 to 157. So I got back in my car, called the person I was supposed to meet with and left a message apologizing for being an idiot. I then drove to the highway and got onto a small bridge to head home.

As I was about halfway across the bridge I looked over my left shoulder to see if I could switch lanes and saw a HUGE (okay, it was maybe 1″ big), furry spider just chillin’ on the inside of my driver’s side door. So I did what any rational, mature, responsible adult would do – I literally screamed and then leaned as far into the passenger seat as I could while still holding onto my steering wheel and touching the pedals, and gunned it to the nearest exit and then into the nearest parking lot. I then flung open the car door and stood in the pouring rain for roughly 15 minutes trying to fling the little bastard off of my window while begging my sister to come save me.

All that flinging and flicking I was doing – it didn’t work. In fact, the little urchin decided to go inside my door. Yes, inside.

That, of course, prompted me to revert back to my rational, mature, responsible adult self. I called AAA and asked for a tow truck. Yes, yes I did.

The woman at AAA said she felt my pain, but if the car was still able to move then she couldn’t send a truck – so I said “Well, one time last year there was a spider web in the gas line and it stalled (true story) and I don’t want that to happen again,” so she sent for a truck. Because she’s awesome – thank you, AAA lady. (Also, my confirmation number for that call was 42-666. You can’t make this stuff up.)

As I was waiting for my sister to arrive, I opened the passenger side door – planning to get out of the rain and sit cautiously on the passenger side – and saw a big ol’ web and nest in the door’s hinges. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Needless to say, I continued to stand in the rain until my sister arrived. (By the way, she had a field day telling me that I was being ridiculous and laughing at me.)

Once the tow truck driver arrived we learned that he is, in fact, also afraid of spiders. So it’s a really great thing that my sister was there because she had to get into the driver’s seat (literally!) and back my car up so that the tow truck guy could put it on the truck. I then asked him to bring my car to Firestone, and called ahead to let them know that I was bringing in a car with a spider that I needed them to get out of the door.

Upon arriving at Firestone there were 6 dudes standing around waiting for me and debating who would be exterminating the spider. As it turns out, most of them were also afraid of spiders. At that point I told them I really didn’t care who did it, but it wouldn’t be me, and I left (but you know, nicely).

When they called me a couple of hours later they told me that I had “an infestation,” saying that there were “a few” adult spiders living in the door, and a nest that went from the passenger side door into the air conditioning/heat vent. WHAT?!

They then recommended that I get a bug bomb (like the kind you let off in your house) and let it off in my car, which we left parked in their garage overnight, and then take my car to get detailed.

So …. $110 in labor for taking apart the doors of my car to kill the spiders and remove what they could of the nest, $8 for 6 can of bug bomb (we only used 1), and $125 to get my car detailed inside (and out, because it was only an extra $25) and my car is – supposedly – spider free.

And you know what – that was the best $243 I’ve ever spent.

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