Wedding season is just around the corner, which means that people are beginning to get their invitations in the mail. And while it’s customary for friends of the bride and groom to receive invitations (obviously), there is a grey area as to who is allowed to bring a “plus one” and why.
While many people look forward to being able to bring a date to a wedding, the bride and groom may have different feelings about it. Allowing their date to bring a “plus one” means that they could potentially have a stranger at their wedding, mingling with their family and actual friends. Obviously, the final decision comes down to the bride, groom, and whoever else has a financial stake in the arrangements of the wedding, so there is no blanket rule as to who gets a plus one and who doesn’t. Therefore…
I feel it’s important to pass along this tidbit of information, which I hope you all drill into your brains and never, ever forget: A wedding is not the same thing as your high school prom or sorority/fraternity formal, you aren’t guarenteed the right to bring a date. Nor is the philosophy of a wedding reception [in normal circumstances] “the more the merrier”. If you are not invited with a “plus one”, don’t be offended, and don’t take it as a slight on your sigificant other. Remember that weddings are expensive, and as the number of people in attendance grows, so does the final price. Your friends/family want you there, but they may not necessarily care to have 100 strangers roaming around.
A friend of mine told me that recently, her boyfriend snagged a “plus one” to his friend’s wedding by exaggerating the seriousness of their relationship. While I don’t necessarily approve, I can empathize her boyfriend’s reasoning for wanting to snag the extra invitation. The wedding is a considerable distance away (requiring a plane ride to get there), and my friend’s boyfriend didn’t want to travel alone and be uncomfortable/alone at the wedding, while his friend was busy … ya know … getting married.
And, while [I think] it’s pretty gauche to ask to bring a date to something that it’s pretty clear a date isn’t invited to – at least he had the courtesy to ask permission to bring his girlfriend.
Because some people don’t bother asking… crazy, right?!
The same friend also told me that she has seen situations where people receive a wedding invitation with no mention of “and guest” and proceed to write in a date’s name on the RSVP card. This is absolutely, positively unacceptable.
In the event I ever find myself planning a wedding, and someone writes in their guests name, when they aren’t invited with a guest, I will call them up and make certain (in the nicest way possible) that they are aware of the fact that they, and only they (read: not their significant other/friend/random hook-up) are invited to the wedding. Perhaps I’ll hire a bouncer for the reception, and turn away people who are trying to wedding crash (the dinner portion at least… I suppose anyone who can find the place could come for dancing and drinks).
And of course, there are some situations where, in my opinion, it is a given that a person get a “plus one”. For example – if they’re married or engaged. I feel that, at that point in the relationship, the two people are pretty much a package deal, and it’s almost rude to exclude one or the other (unless it’s something like a “girls night” or whatever, then – exclude away).
So there you have it … my two cents on weddings, and the illustrious “plus one“.
What do you think? Is it ever alright to ask to bring a guest? Is it unreasonable for the bride and groom to not automatically extend a “plus one” to their single friends?