I’ll start this by saying that I know the following set of circumstances are kind of weird. I know it isn’t the norm, and I don’t know why I allowed it to impact me so much, but I did – so moving on.
For most of my life, the idea of waking up every morning and going into an office has seemed weird to me. Not because working seems weird. Working seems really normal. But nearly everyone in my family either works from home (either full-time or part of the week) or is self-employed/owns their own business. Or they have jobs in the restaurant industry where they aren’t working a 9-5 in an office every day. So because of that, dragging my butt to an office every single day just to be there for the requisite amount of time seemed kind of weird. Especially when I had those office jobs and realized that a LOT of what happens in an office doesn’t NEED to happen in an office. It can happen anywhere. I also tended to have a lot of downtime when I worked in an office because I would finish tasks early. In my first job out of college this was a good thing. I took the free time and some initiative and within four months had created a new position for myself within the company. However, I actually got “let go” from another job because I was constantly asking for more work to do and they thought that meant they didn’t need a full-time employee. So they let me go and hired someone part-time… only to bring her on as full-time a few months later when her part-time hours weren’t enough for her to get the job done. (Sorry for setting a bad precedent, I guess. And also sorry for that weird humble brag – I feel icky!)
Fast forward a few more years and after a string of jobs that I didn’t love – and after freelancing on the side for years – my husband and I had a long talk. We discussed our future, and having kids, and what that meant for us. And if we were both working full-time it meant that one of us would be working with our paycheck going almost exclusively to paying for daycare and other baby expenses. And so, when the time presented itself, I went full-time with my business and got my real estate license. FREEDOM!
And here we are.
Since 2016 I have been 100% self-employed. (Yes, I’ve been down this road once before. It was short-lived.) And since January 2018 I’ve also been a work-from-home Mom.
And guess what guys – IT’S REALLY FREAKING HARD.
I knew that at first it would be difficult because I wouldn’t be able to take a true maternity leave – and this would be compounded by the fact that I was having a planned c-section. When I ended up in the hospital with preeclampsia a month before my due date and then had a not-so-smooth postpartum period the lack of a true maternity leave period made it all the more difficult. I was in the hospital on bed rest before having my son and I had clients sending me frantic emails trying to get me to finish up some projects before my “maternity leave” started – apparently they didn’t understand that the reason I was in the hospital in the first place was because my blood pressure was too high and I needed to rest. (I was actually put on bed rest at home but within a day I ended up in the hospital because working from home doesn’t really bode well for any sort of work/life separation. Oops!)
After I got over the “maternity leave” hump (and my hormones evened out – holy crap), things were a bit smoother for a while. I was resistant at first to accepting help because I wanted to be able to say that I could do it all. As if I was earning some sort of badge of honor. But after a few weeks of being exhausted and stressed 100% of the time that plan went out the window. I didn’t help that I also ended up needing surgery on BOTH of my wrists due to Mommy Wrist. I was in an immense amount of pain for months (the first surgery was in June, the second in September), so handling the baby on my own was difficult as he got heavier and more wiggly – and when I was recovering from the surgeries I couldn’t pick him up at all. (I actually ended up having to be in a cast for three weeks after the second surgery because the day after the surgery I tweaked my wrist and it didn’t heal properly. What should have been one week in an ace bandage ended up being one week in an ace bandage, three weeks in a cast, and then another two weeks of having a wrist that was super stiff and didn’t want to bend. Ugh!)
Unfortunately, since I was relying on family (who also have jobs) to help me fill in the gaps the childcare became a bit spotty with people having to swap days at the last minute or having to do their own work while they were here (which I am totally not faulting anyone for! I fully appreciate any and all help I received and currently get!). And so … after a year of struggling through it and trying so damn hard to insist that I had it all covered… we hired a nanny/mother’s helper.
It was a really tough decision and if I’m being honest, I felt like it made me a failure on all fronts. Having to admit that I needed help taking care of my baby because I was floundering as a mother and as a businesswoman was crushing. But it was the best decision we could make for Connor. And when I met with the nanny for the first time, it was fantastic.
It’s an interesting arrangement that the nanny and I have going on. She’s here two days per week for about six hours each day – and she brings her son. He’s a couple of months younger than Connor which means, for two days a week Connor has someone his own age to play and interact with. And the nanny herself used to be a Montessori pre-school teacher. This in and of itself is amazing because since I found out I was pregnant I have been researching Montessori and had my heart set on eventually sending Connor to a Montessori school. Now, it’s like we have a private Montessori school in our own home. In fact we’re currently re-doing our formal living room to turn it into a more functional space/playroom and the nanny will be helping us with some of the playroom decisions so that we can make it as Montessori friendly as possible.