Social media is the great divider. And since I work in social media, this maybe isn’t the best thing for me to be saying. But it’s true. Sure, it allows us to keep in touch with friends and family near and far, but it also means … well, we’re keeping in touch with friends and family near and far. And for many of us “keeping in touch” means “trying to keep up with.”
Every time I log into one of my various social accounts I see friends – some that I speak with regularly, some that I haven’t spoken to in real life in eons – posting their #proudmom or #havingitall moments. Promotion at work. Baby so advanced they might as well be sitting for the SATs. Not to mention modeling. Perfectly clean house. Amazingly curated wardrobe. Wonderful, doting partner. Pets that look like they could be in a commercial. Oh – and of course they’re in their skinny jeans, hitting the gym 5 times per week, and just generally crushing life.
And you would think that since I work in social media that I would know that this is all spin. Spin, spin, spin. No one’s life is perfect and absolutely no one is going to go posting the messy, crappy parts on social media for the world to dissect. Sorry ladies – even those of you that are killin’ it at the #InstaHappy game must have some dirty little secret laying around. Maybe your closet has ::gasp:: three loads of unfolded laundry in it. Maybe your mother-in-law drives you bonkers. Perhaps your husband – as perfect and doting as he is – snores like a freakin’ chainsaw at night.
But even though I know that when I’m scrolling (and scrolling, and scrolling) I forget. I get lost in it all. And the questions start: why isn’t my son that well behaved? Why does my house constantly look like a tornado ran through it? How could I possibly find the time to go to the gym when I can barely find the time to wash my hair?
It all leaves one feeling a bit… well, less than, if I’m being honest. Somewhere deep down, behind the impostor syndrome, FOMO, and suffocating cloud of doubt I know that people might look at my life the same way I look at theirs. Maybe they’re thinking wow, she owns her own business and gets to be home with her baby most days – how lucky is she?! But there’s no way for me to know that. And there’s no way for me to let that possibility be stronger than what I know. And what I know is that I feel inadequate as hell.
Anyway, as I was scrolling and scrolling and scrolling earlier today, I saw a post from a girl I went to high school with. We were friends… or maybe I should say we were friendly. Since we’ve gone our separate ways, through the lens of social media it’s looked like she (still!) has it all. A few months ago she went on a bit of a social media hiatus which I didn’t think anything of – lots of people do that and besides, I’m not keeping tabs on who is posting when. I just see what I see when I see it. But then she popped up again – with a cute baby bump and a pregnancy announcement. I was thrilled for her because who doesn’t love new babies?!
And then today I saw her post. Her adorable little boy who’s less than a month old has been in the hospital with some unknown-to-me illness. She didn’t include any details, just that he’s fighting and he’s getting stronger. And my heart broke and I felt… something. I don’t know. Maybe like a shitty human being? Because while I’ve been sitting here cursing my lot in life and feeling like crap and wondering “why me” and wishing I had her life – she’s been going through that. And of course I couldn’t have known. She didn’t post anything about it on social media and she certainly didn’t tell me – her former friend from nearly 15 years ago. But I’d bet my right arm that she’s sitting scrolling through social media looking at people posting their babies and thinking “why me, why can’t I have that?” and the that she wants is something that so many of us take for granted and don’t even stop to appreciate.
So I said all of that to say this: when you’re scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, and you’re feeling shitty and less than and wondering “why me” – stop. I mean, physically STOP scrolling. And then take a deep breath and remember that for every instance where you’re wishing you were somewhere else, someone else is looking at your perfectly curated, “there’s no such thing as a problem here” social media persona and feeling the same thing.